sorry, i can't help it. i feel like everything is falling apart

I keep myself busy, and time moves much faster,

I go to sleep alone, and wake up alone. I ride with my parents in the morning at exactly 10am heading towards university, by 11 it was lunch, by 4 it was time to snack, and by 7 it was time to have dinner.

i take countless walks from the library to the loo, each time forgetting something i've just read.

i work until i'm tired. i watch the wind play the leaves on the road at night before a car comes to bring me home.

tomorrow, the cycle repeats itself.

...

everything, it seems so simple until you think about it. why is love intensified by absence?

Every time I look at the pile of books I've promised to read, the paint brushes left untouched for months, the dead blog I spent hours trying to set up, the empty pages of little journals I have scattered all across my drawers where I wrote down all the beautiful things people say, and all the photos left to put into scrapbooks... my love for them is intensified.

I had not realize this until tonight. I had made so many sacrifices for medicine. everyday I feel a little of my humanity slipping, moulding me into a society stereotype. I had given up so much of what made me human in the past.

the fun in learning has been lost.

....

funny how exams have a way of robbing everything it means to be young, and full of ideas. The only reason i'm bothering with them is to gain a future which I might not be guaranteed to enjoy.

fingers crossed, the people who write the exams; tch.... better know what they're doing. a lot of lives have been wasted to prepare for this one paper they've cooked up. it better mean something much more than just testing how much we know.

it had better, benefit our futures as health care professionals

....

i'm just saying.


I'm sure u all feel the same. be strong co13ras